Unlikely things happen in football. This weekend, Dundee Utd battered the woodwork more often than a drunk man hammering nails in a fence. On another day, Celtic’s comfortable win could have looked very different. Celtic used to have the young defender Mitchel Frame on their books, but it was the frame of the goals at Utd that delivered a sensational defensive masterclass.

Joking aside, as I posted on X after the match, a season of nitpicking performances after comfortable victories will do me nicely. I don’t ask for much. Just overwhelming domestic dominance to the extent that our opposition fans are on podcasts having meltdowns after two games of the season. Then to have elite teams from elite leagues genuinely respect Celtic Park as a gladiatorial arena, not as a bucket-list tourist spot. We’ve already achieved one of these goals, so it’s a great start to the season.

Talking about podcast meltdowns, many of you are familiar with my work on A Celtic State of Mind. I had been ill for two days at the start of last week and was still a bit lightheaded on Wednesday. So, despite having previously written about the sheer madness of The Rangers CEO’s statement concerning how many types of football manager there are, and to which one McInnes is comparable, when I went to read it aloud (because it certainly warranted discussion) I’m afraid I couldn’t contain myself. I haven’t laughed so hard in a very long time. The material provided by The Rangers, as is often the case, was genuinely hilarious, as you can see below.

Who Are Ya?

Now, Hogh didn’t even manage to get on the scoresheet for this game, so having set the standard at 3, he was lucky not to be booed off the park like a Rangers captain!! We had to rely on a sublime touch from Trusty, a delightfully sharp finish from Duran with a hand from Hogh, a tremendous Tounekti strike, and the now customary bullet from Benji.

Nygren has been a revelation so far, which is an odd thing to say about a man who contributed so many vital goals last year, especially when we were struggling for striker options. However, when he’s not moonlighting as a lethal striker, his contribution in his day job as a midfielder has noticeably improved.

There is much to be enthused about in the early stages of this new team. Celtic’s blue sky thinking, a uniquely creative and visionary approach of signing quality, proven players to make the team better, appears to be moving the needle like the kind of insanely wild gamble which may just pay off, in a way that only everyone could have foreseen!

Mysterious Memory Loss

We remain desperately short of quality options from the bench. And now that Arne Engels is off to the promised land of milk and money in the EFL Championship, we are deprived of a player who thrived in European competition. What has also been extremely unhelpful is that Oxlade-Chamberlain has a hefty European ban. The traumatic effect of which appears to have been amnesia for the poor guy.

Lugano winger Renato Steffen, who was also sent off after the altercation between the pair when the Ox was plying his trade for Besiktas, must have blootered him into the middle of next week for him to have forgotten such a lengthy ban had been imposed. The manager was on the cusp of a public smackdown but drew back before delivering the coup de grace. Giving Ox the out of “I suppose he wouldn’t have known.” However, the club should definitely have been aware. They’ve had long enough to do their due diligence. Now Gianni Infantino and I have had limited correspondence, so I can’t confirm for sure, but I don’t think lengthy European bans are typically a secret.

Regardless, here is another reason signings cannot be dragged out when you have a season-defining qualifier to navigate. We find ourselves extremely reliant on Baur, a player who met his teammates only a matter of days ago, has had no time to bed in, and who does not play a similar style or role to that of Engels. Meaning that, not only does he have to adapt to the players, a new system, and get comfortable in his role within it, but the entire team must adapt to him.

And they have to do so within two training sessions, after half an hour of game time. Because our other realistic midfield options have been reduced to one. Opinions differ as to the quality of Luke McCowan, but I don’t think the majority of us would have been comfortable with him starting this £40m game or indeed, being reliant upon him to see out a game of this magnitude or create a winning moment. Is he capable of those things? Perhaps. Do you want to be in a position where our European fate rests upon him doing so in these two games? Nope!

Despite my earlier jokes about United loving the woodwork more than a judge at the regional finals of ‘The Joys of Carpentry’ competition, it was definitely a major concern that they got so many dangerous shots away. The Austrian double winners are a real threat, and we cannot allow ourselves to be so easily exposed. Most of that exposure was the result of the midfield not covering for the defence. An Arne Engels speciality. Also, with Johnston now out for weeks, the drop-off to young Donovan is noticeably problematic, as is the fact Scales is our second choice left back.

We have lost two genuinely quality players, and hopefully gained four, all being well with Baur and Hassan, but the model of managed decline means the squad is paper-thin. Below the level of the starting eleven, we have a bench of such questionable quality that Teemu would be embarrassed to sell it to you.

The Change Explained

However, securing those four players was so out of character for the Celtic board that it has left us as a fanbase utterly delighted, but very confused as to what has changed. And clearly change has come. This is a seismic shift in approach. I said previously that I had information in respect of a direct intervention from almighty Desmond in relation to the Hogh transfer. However, we’ve followed that on with 3 more signings, the likes of which we haven’t seen since the Engels, Trusty and Idah window. But the speed with which Celtic moved here, after weeks of stagnation, is clearly different.

Now, we all know the story of why Brendan Rodgers was recruited the first time around. Foolish The Rangers directors breaking protocol, taunting and abusing Dermot Desmond in the director’s box after a rare victory. As we now know, for a billionaire (or maybe because he’s a billionaire), he’s remarkably thin-skinned and vindictive. A man you should avoid upsetting if possible if you are within his sphere of influence.

So, this transfer window was proceeding at the snail’s pace to which we have become accustomed. The CEO and CFO going about their business of not going about their business, like the mortal enemies of progress and ambition they have proven to be. I have it on excellent authority (from multiple sources now) that what I was told initially was an intervention from on high was correct, but turned out to be more definitive than that.

It appears that Desmond was decidedly unhappy with the performance of the grey brigade at the AISC meeting, when the lack of effort put into gaslighting and deflecting was utterly depressing. Rolling out clichés so old, tired and irrelevant that you could almost hear a collective sigh of frustration and despair from the entire support. A definitive statement that your expectations, as low as they might be, were probably too high.

This was very badly received on the day. The feedback was harsh and made its way to the very top. Dermot Desmond perceives himself (not without foundation) as a pillar of Irish society. Wielding very real power on the Island via government, business and media contacts. He will not tolerate being portrayed badly on home turf.

He apparently decreed that negotiations were to be taken over by his son and proxy Ross. Hence the complete change in tempo and tactics when it comes to transfer dealings. Although this is both plausible and logical given the sudden change in approach, it must surely be the death knell for Nicholson and probably McKay.

Also, if credit is eventually claimed, perhaps this will be the start of Ross’s redemption. Which is desperately needed if the family dynasty is to carry on without continuous opposition. He is currently best known for his shocking appearance at the AGM where he attempted to read out a statement so tone deaf that it managed to offend all sections of the support.

The obvious question should all this be verified, is what duties now remain for our mute CEO that justify his extremely generous remuneration? What of the Lawwell disciple McKay? Who it seems would be happy for us to field the B team as long as his spreadsheets remain shiny.

It appears that cards have been marked and jaikets reside on shoogly pegs!